That Bozo stole my yellow!

Random thoughts and things heard while bicycling home:

You, the bozo in the SUV that turned right in front of me: I had the yellow. It was mine. As a bicyclist, you're supposed to treat me just like a car and I was in the intersection already when you started your turn. You looked right at me, so I know you saw me, slamming on my brakes. If you would have just waited for me to proceed, you would have had plenty of yellow left to execute your left turn.
And by the way, congrats on being the only person in your seven passenger SUV. Way to save the atmosphere.
Bozo.

"Get on the Sidewalk!"
No, you see, if you go back and read your Rules of the Road, I don't belong on the sidewalk. I belong in traffic, riding the same direction as you. I keep my line at the right side of the road. You have plenty of room to go around. I don't need a six-foot gap between my bike and your car. A couple of feet is plenty.
The sidewalk is for pedestrians, jack-hole.

"Ride on, Fatty!"
This may be my favorite. I've heard many variations, some not so nice. The size of my ass has been mentioned at least once (as in "Pedal, fat ass!"), which is ridiculous. I have no ass. My weight is around my gut. But hey, thanks for the recognition. While you drive away in your steel cage, likely sucking on some caffinated drink and munching some fast food, I'll gladly endure your ridicule to pedal away and burn some calories.

"That's one way to save gas!"
Well, really. Thanks for letting me know. Because that's the last thing on my mind. I was actually trying to waste petroleum products by increasing the rubber used to make bicycle tires.

"Nice hat!"
I have a big melon. I like the squishy stuff inside it, so I protect it with a DOT approved bicycle helmet. If I ever wreck I expect it to save my life. I spent extra time finding it, because none of the helmets at the local bike shop would fit the afore-mentioned giant cranium. They had to special order it. So thanks.

"I wish I could do that."
You can. As the fine folks at Nike would say, Just Do It (tm). Every year the police auction hundreds of stolen bikes for next to nothing. Better yet, go to the local bicycle shop and ask if they have anything used. That's what I did.
Or better yet, find an old bike some idiot is throwing away and fix it up. That's what I did years ago.

And how come there is only one street in town with a bike lane? One thing you notice about Madison is that there are bike lanes everywhere. And people use them.
New law: any street widening should require bike lanes be included.